Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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