Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
