I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
