i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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