I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
