You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
