Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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