woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
