Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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