We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
