His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Found the puke drawer
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
