called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
