We won't sleep together?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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