It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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