capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
