Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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