people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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