Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You took a bar mat shot.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
