so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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