I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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