I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
