I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
