That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
