I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
