After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
