the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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