Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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