im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
