I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
