I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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