if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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