So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
