It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
