Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
