high people should be assigned attendants
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
