Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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