Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
