you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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