my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
