im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
