I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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