i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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