i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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