i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
