he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
