How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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