I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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