I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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