Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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