1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
