It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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