Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
