the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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