You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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