I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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