You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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